If I Were Obama...

Right now, the Obama Campaign doesn't seem to know what to do with Sarah Palin. Mostly, it seems they're going to ignore her and hope she goes away. Perhaps she will, but it's not likely. They seem to be afraid of attacking her, for fear of appearing sexist. But since she went so hard after Obama, I say, take the gloves off. If I were Obama, my response might go a little like this:

I've been a senator for 12 years -- 8 years in the Illinois Senate, 4 years in the U.S. Senate. And since my opponents seem to look down on that experience, let me explain to you what exactly it is a senator does...

It's kind of like being a small-town mayor. Except, instead of dealing with small problems like where to put a stop sign -- you deal with big problems like nuclear proliferation!

Instead of simply carrying out the laws passed by the city council -- you actually make the laws. You also have to make decisions -- like, whether to vote for or against something.

Before I was a senator -- not 20 months ago, but 20 years ago -- I was a community organizer. And since my opponents seem to look down on that experience, let me explain to you what exactly it is a community organizer does...

It's kind of like being the governor of a sparsely populated state. Except, instead of abusing your power to carry out personal vendettas against your relatives -- you use your energy to revitalize a community and get people back to work.

In closing, I'd like to tell a pre-scripted joke and pretend that I just came up with it on the spot -- you know, to appear more "folksy". Here goes:

What's the difference between a Hockey Mom and a United States Senator?

A United States Senator is qualified to be President of the United States.

Thank you and God Bless Our Troops.